Fall is back and so are those damn birds.
It’s cool here again, and cold is a sensation I’m not used to anymore. It’s a strange feeling to be back at fall after the interminable summer. Stranger yet is that a year from now (almost to the day) I’ll be getting married. Exciting and surreal and strange.
Surreal is a feeling I’m experiencing a lot lately, too. I heard a story the other day about these people that had to call 9-1-1 because they got stuck in a corn maze. They panicked and needed police to get them out. And for some dumb reason they had their newborn baby with them, but that’s neither here nor there.
The main point of this story is that life is a lot like a maze. You go with your gut to get around the turns and find your way along a path that you hope will lead you in the right direction. Sometimes amazing things happen when you are ready to pull out your cell phone and call 9-1-1 so the flashlight-wielding cops can lead you to safety and hot cider. Sometimes the right turn just presents itself to you as though it’s lighted with cartoonish flashing red arrows. And that’s when it’s surreal–the unbelievableness of things just working out, the magic of finding what you’re looking for right when you’re about to throw up your hands and surrender.
We found a wedding venue. And *knock on wood* I haven’t changed my mind yet.
It’s a new season. I don’t know for sure what’s around the next turn, but I’m excited to find out.
I’ve got some big decisions that have been weighing heavy on me lately, and as a result I have had a lot of nervous energy over the last month or so that I couldn’t (or didn’t really want to) put into words. Something as wonderful as planning a wedding can be very stressful. Visions and ideas and dreams evolve into the reality of money, distance and logistics. How can I choose a date that is meaningful that will have good weather in a place that will be convenient for everyone involved and conducive to fun? How can I choose a city when home has been such an evolving concept over the last few years? I can barely pick of head of bok choy at the grocery store, so how can I decide on the day and place of this most important day in our relationship? (Of course, it’s a mutual decision, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s difficult.)
Sometimes I think if I stand still long enough things will just happen. I’ll get a push in the right direction. I’ll become a leaf in the wind, and where I land isn’t up to me. But that’s not how life works. Sure, you’re not in control of everything, but sometimes you are in control, and you damn well better take the reigns because you’re the best person for the job. That can be a tough pill to swallow, a lot of responsibility.
The funny thing about it all is that we could get married at a WalMart and still be thrilled because both of us know it’s not about the place or the date or the dress. The magazines and the blogs may all show nice pictures of rings and flowers and twinkly lights, but all of those things aren’t what make a marriage. I have to keep that in perspective.
So with that said, I’m going to resolve to quit making excuses for not blogging, not picking a place, and not trusting myself like I should. I’ve got the reigns, and I’ve got an amazing man beside me.